I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
