you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
