I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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