haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
