I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
