if i can run in heels then i can drive
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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