My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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