at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
