I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize