she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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