Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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