first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
