forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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