Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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