when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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