I hate your face
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
