her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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