aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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