Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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