We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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