A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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