A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
