I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
