We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
