you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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