u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
