Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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