I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
