I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
