Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
