i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
