Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
