so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
