He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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