Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
