id be glad to
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
