Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
