Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
