Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
