I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
