am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
