The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
