i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
