I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
