legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
