thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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