It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
