He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
