and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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