Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
