I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We got so high we made milksteak
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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