I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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