I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
