how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
