So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
