At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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