Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
