had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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