If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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