I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
