My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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