We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
