somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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