She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
