You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
