Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i need some magic done to my vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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