Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ttyl tear gas
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
