i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
