U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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