yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want her autograph on my taint
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
