the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
