I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
