god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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