I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
