i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
