Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
