I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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