I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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