well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
