they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
