I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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