Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
