He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
